are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
