His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You need a sexual gate keeper
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
