My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
