so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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