Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We left the knife in your bed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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