I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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