the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
