I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
