Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
