mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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