Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
