She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
