he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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