Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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