It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
