Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
