so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
thus making me awesome and them whores
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
