Pants 0. Shit 1.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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