she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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