She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
