i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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