wrigley field is MILF paradise
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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