glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
