I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
