At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
