Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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