i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
