I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Alive.
So much puke
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
