dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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