Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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