Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
