Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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