This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
