i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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