i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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