I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
