Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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