This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize