I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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