How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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