I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
