Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
