SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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