I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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