I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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