Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
