Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
