i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
