I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
