Yo dont text me then not text me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
