You just made me feel so damn special
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
